I realize it when I share about my ConnectedParent Communication Mornings based on non-violent communication and invite Parents to them. First of all I experience the second one having a tragic name. And then of course there is shame. Shame about being a parent and the not knowing sometimes. The struggles. The blame and guilt. Towards yourself. Things you are telling yourself. Things which if someone else would say them to you you would never be friends with that person anymore. Or even more painful they might hit you like – well maybe there is something to it…
Just recently I ended up in a ‘discussion’ with another mum on the playground. Trying to connect in an emphatic way to what was alive with her didn’t really worked out for me, as I was triggered myself to much if I’m honest. Still I tried my best to ‘convince’ and ‘persuide’ the other. So there where two grown-ups or was it actually that there where this two little kids inside of us trying to let the other know who is right in the way how we saw that had happened between the kids and what was the ‘right’ way how to handle the situation. Though what is it all about in the end?
I guess two people who got triggered themselves around the situation. The one longing for her kid to feel involved by being part of the group and the other longing for her kid to be authentic and learn herself and have the space to explore and learn from each other. Well you know actually since Non-violent communication came into my life I enjoy every conflict and ‘difference of idea’s’ coming up. For me it gets juicy and real then. What is it actually about? What needs or longings are underlying the superficial layer of the discussion? It’s there where communication, life and connection happens to me and things get meaningful.And life get’s way more interesting to me when we move from the how to the why – what’s actually happening.
Well you know I used to have friends who got irritated by my ‘therapeutic’ way of looking into things and wanting to know, to dive in. I guess there are still friends of mine who still get 😉 And let me be honest. Sometimes I’m struggling myself in how to be and communicate with others. Because in the end I really just long to contribute, have meaningfulness and ease in my everyday life and well even under that being honest, authentic and connected to myself and to you. With yes with everything there is. The light and the dark places inside myself and yourself. So that is kind of my passion why I give the ConnectedParent Communication mornings where you can bring your kid along. I realize that so often there is shame and it’s delicate to share about your struggles as a parent. Cause well would they still like me? Accept me? What might they think about me when I really share what I’m struggling with as a parent? It’s easy to dive into some parenting advice book and get some tools and solutions for yourself. Let’s be clear I’m not saying that this might not be supportive. Though I invite you to look into what’s really alive for you in your relationship with yourself and your kid. As it feels at least for myself and the experiences I had with other parents more sustainable than any other ‘tool’ to figure out why it is that you get so irritated when your kid is crying or angry or…
Well I experience connection and support in those groups when people are sharing what they are struggling with and there is often this feeling of recognition when others are sharing which gives me the experience of community and togetherness. Something I long for in my parenthood and to contribute to others to feel less alone in your parenting and more empowered. I loved to experience that again for example in the last self-care and self-connection workshop for mums this saturday. How it gives space to figure out what’s alive for us. And therefore also space for our children again. As they are the ones benefiting from our own self-care.
So I’m happy to invite you to this morning of self-care and self-connection 🙂 and I’m curious to hear from you how this is alive for you. I love to share, practice, learn, inspire and connect with you in one of our upcoming mornings 🙂